During her three weeks of counseling, Jennifer's anxiety and depression from living with Irritable Bowel Syndrome had quickly decreased. She was feeling so much more optimistic, in fact, that a recent flare-up caught her completely off guard. In tears, she told her counselor, "I knew my improvement wouldn't last. What if I end up all way the back where I started?" The ups and downs of chronic illness can try your patience and leave you feeling like a failure.

Flare-ups aren't failures

With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Jennifer quickly identified the automatic, negative thoughts she always had during a relapse: Maybe I won't get better this time. I only have myself to blame since I got so stressed last week. Why stay on my eating plan if I get flare-ups anyway? After writing down her thoughts, she and her counselor brainstormed more realistic responses. Jennifer was amazed to feel an instantaneous, positive shift in her mood as she read her responses aloud.

• "This is a temporary setback, not a hopeless situation."
• "I now have the knowledge and tools to speed my recovery."
• "Flare-ups are less frequent and less intense when I stick to my eating plan."
• "Even if I did do something to cause this flare-up, I can learn from my mistakes without beating myself up."

Creating the ideal escape

Feeling calmer and more hopeful, Jennifer wanted to find ways to manage flare-ups more confidently. Her coach suggested that she create a flare up retreat. She asked Jennifer to describe all of the sights, sounds, smells, textures and objects that help her to heal.

Since a spare room wasn't available, Jennifer decided she could move a comfortable lounge chair into a corner of her bedroom, and stock the corner with a soft blanket, pillows, an inspirational book and a candle. Next to the chair, she'd hang her two favorite nature photos.

Jennifer said that just thinking about her "nest" made her want to go there right now. And that was perfect. There's no need to wait until your symptoms are out of control before you nurture yourself. Being proactive about your needs will help to reduce your flare-ups and your recovery time.

How to plan your own flare-up retreat

1. Choose your pleasures: What must you surround yourself with for healing to take place? Take into account your five senses, and list all the elements that rejuvenate and replenish your body and spirit. Do you crave dim lights and soothing music? Or do you prefer bright sunlight and upbeat tunes? Are there special photos or objects that lift your mood? Does an empty, uncluttered space help you relax? What types of fabrics do you find soothing? These details will allow you to create the ideal space for healing. Don't let cramped quarters deter you. Even if you don't have an entire room to work with, you can carve out a corner. No matter the size of the space, be sure that it reflects your vision of health and well-being.
2. Set the stage: Have your pillows, blankets, and inspirational items (books, magazines, photos, objects from nature, etc.) arranged and ready for use. If music boosts your spirits, create a playlist of uplifting songs for your iPod or choose favorite CD's to place by your recliner or bed. Stock your pantry with any special foods or beverages that will aid in your recovery. Look around your space and ask yourself whether there's anything you need to add or subtract so that you can feel secure and relaxed as you heal.
3. Ease your mind: Don't wait for a flare-up to decide who's going to take over your responsibilities while you recover. Enlist people's help in advance and discuss your needs and expectations with them in detail. Make sure to record and post the names and numbers of your support network (dog walker, house cleaning service, baby sitter, administrative assistant, co-workers, etc.) in a readily accessible place. And don't forget to relax your standards a bit. Healing is your priority, not making sure the house is spotless or emails are returned the same day.

With a little advance planning, you can overcome your fear of flare-ups, and begin to view them as opportunities for renewal and healing. Creating a peaceful retreat and making your needs a priority help set the stage for more rapid recovery. The more you take charge of responding to your changing health needs, the more confident and in control you'll feel.