Frequent flyer programs and their progeny, including much of CRM, owe their efficacy to the assertion that behavior that is rewarded is repeated.

Typically, that is a correct statement.

But the quid pro quo, one-hand-washes-the-other, contingency aspect of rewards programs may have seen its day.

In the world of FREE services, especially those promulgated by the Internet, contingency based rewards programs aren't sufficient to surprise and delight customers, especially when competitors use them.

Above all, they don't create the sort of loyalty that eventuates in long-term bonds between purchasers and providers.

This week, I spoke before a distinguished group in the international financial industry. A senior customer service executive told a story about how he rented a car in Europe and put the charge on his American Express card.

The clerk gleefully congratulated him for his 20-year tenure as a card member and upgraded him to a car one or two classes above what he had reserved, for free.

He was elated, and this windfall, this unexpected bonus evoked a deep sense of gratitude that went well beyond the extrinsic, monetary value of the upgrade he received. At the same event over lunch, the day before, the story was told about how a restaurant maintained a best-patron list behind the cash register.

Whenever a regular came in, specifically a salesperson that brought his peers with him to dine, he was silently rewarded with a free cup of coffee. Of course, he returned again and again, with profitable pals in tow.

What the group heard in these stories was "rewards work." What they didn't appreciate at first, however, is that NON-CONTINGENT REWARDS REWARD BETTER.

Much is written and said about developing customer RELATIONSHIPS, but what is the sine qua non of a friendship or a love relation? It is that fact that we take joy in giving and receiving non-contingent rewards, also known as gifts.

An unexpected offering of flowers can send a much more enduring and meaningful message of affection than the obligatory tendering of tulips on a birthday, or roses on an anniversary.

If you want to bond with clients and customers, give them something for free, something they didn't earn, something just for being them.

You'll be amazed to what lengths they'll go to repay you, over the long term.