It's often suggested that a peaceful and confident demeanor is integral to optimal health. That so long as you're churning on the inside about something in your life that isn't working out so well, your body will not have the energy with which to conduct its business efficiently.

Certainly that principle applies in terms of posture, the aspect of health where, as a body worker, I have the most direct experience. Why just this morning, a fellow came in with back pain. I've known Dan for a number of years, and he's had back pain the entire time. He is now disabled from work due to back pain. So he's dealing with a chronic pain problem, drawing less income than he would have had without it, and feeling a bit like he's lost his identity as the backbone of the family.

Nice guy! But he'd really rather not have to deal with the back pain. He'd rather be working.

Unfortunately, Nice Guy Dan has issues with his posture. He also has issues in his life. For as long as I've known him, Dan has been a low-energy guy. Always seems like he's carrying the world on his shoulders. Dan sags. He doesn't have the energy to maintain his posture against gravity. That, combined with a whole lot of heavy lifting, has taken a toll on his back.

Dan needs to get his life back. To muster some excitement for living. To dig himself out of the "impossible conflict" that's dragging him down -- body, mind, and spirit. Now our Dan is actually a great problem-solver in some areas of his life. But he doesn't see that part so well. What he sees when he looks around is the stuff that's gone wrong.

Let's help him out. Here's what you do, Dan!

Step 1: Clearly identify the situation that isn't working out the way you'd like it to. Let's call it "interpersonal conflict in the family."

Step 2: Flip the situation and identify the solution you'd like to see. Something like this: "Everyone in the family respects one another and communicates openly. We have fun together!"

Step 3: Work out a strategy to make it happen. This is the part that makes Dan's brain go "tilt." It looks impossible. Nobody listens to him. His family doesn't value his opinions. He can't buy into their dysfunctional ways. He feels stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place. It seems hopeless.

Now let's think about this. If you really wanted to find a solution that seemed "almost" impossible -- yet at the deepest level of your being you knew it wasn't -- what would you do? Dan wants a satisfying life. Is that really too much to ask? No. It's not. And some part of him knows it. There are three approaches we can take to get to the bottom of this.

1. "Dan, I know you don't have the solution worked out. But you say you want to have more joy in your life. If you did know how to make that happen, what might you try...?" It's amazing to see that when you affirm that you just don't know how to make it happen, that takes the pressure off your mind to produce the perfect answer. Free from the burden of perfection, your mind can wander carelessly into the realm of, "well what the heck do I know, but if I did..." and come back with some grand insights.
2. "Dan, why don't you explain exactly why you cannot have what you want? Spell it out in full detail. Be your most convincing. Explain why everyone else has the right and ability to pursue the life they want, but you are so very special that you do not." The average person, at the beginning, will begin by rattling off something about how their family of origin had issues. And perhaps it did. But eventually, if they keep going long enough (if you're doing this on your own, use a journal and be prepared to keep writing a while), they'll get to the point where they blurt out something like this: "Darn it anyway! There is no good reason why I can't have as decent a life as the next guy! There just isn't! I deserve it, too!" The human spirit will triumph. We have an innate self-responsibility to do everything in our power to make our lives work out. Ultimately, if pressed, we'll get to the point where we see that. So will Dan.
3. "Dan, next why don't you suggest at least twelve different things you might try to bring more connection and understanding into your home environment?" "Twelve!" he's likely to respond. "I can't even think of one!" Funny thing is that twelve ideas are easier to come up with than one. When you think you've only got one shot at it, your brain tells you it's gotta be perfect. When you're free to spit out any crazy thing that crosses your screen, perfection goes out the window. Your creative mind takes over. And it starts churning out the ideas. Try it! Whenever I play the 12 game (ok, you can go higher if you want to), it seems like the first half-dozen trials are kind of like a warm-up. Not my best. But get into #10, #11, #12 and you start to come up with the GOOD STUFF!

Dan is not doomed. He can get his energy back. He probably won't go back to that job, but he can certainly create a meaningful life for himself. I'm really looking forward to seeing him walk through the door at his full height and stature, chuckling. He can do it. So can you.

Take the time to nurture your problem-solving skills. The state that psychologists call "Self-Efficacy" (belief in your ability to handle whatever challenges life may present) is one of the best ways to keep your energy in the "live" zone, nurture your immune system, and maintain your full height and authority. Try it! And if your back pain should happen to improve, just think of it as a happy coincidence.