I have a friend who's terribly afraid of the water, and while I've learned over the course of this friendship that hydrophobia (yes, kids, that means "fear of water") is very common, I still don't understand it. Considering that the human body is about 80% water anyway, being afraid o it seems to be counter-productive on several levels. Not only, for instance, does he refuse to go to a swimming pool or be anywhere near a large body of water. He's such a severe case that he's taken to bathing only when forced which, since he's single and lives alone, only comes down to about once every two weeks, when I visit him and demand that he do something about the stench coming off of him while we're playing Risk in his living room. If ever anyone needed to find out how to cure a phobia, he does.

I've done a little digging around different websites, and think I might have found a way to cure it. He's not going to like it, but at least I can have him meet me in a bar (or something) and not be afraid to invite the redhead I've been ogling at the other end of the bar without having tio run him off, too. (Everybody needs a wing man, folks. Everyone.)

Here's the thought: there's a lake just outside of the city where I like to go to think. It was man-made and is stocked with fish every two years, so at least the acid levels are kept at a legal rate. I'm going to do to him what was done to me to learn to swim: I'm going to throw him into the water.

This approach might seem cruel or unethical, but considering that the man can't afford health insurance (and really: who can?) and needs very badly to bathe,, I figure I'm doing him a favor. Besides, even if he can't swim, I can. The pond's pretty shallow as it is, and once he discovers that all he is is wet and not dying (that is, after I pull him to the shore,) chances are good that he's cured. How do you like that method?