One of the most common threads I see amongst overeaters, binge eaters and emotional eaters is that they often exhibit people-pleasing or co-dependent behavior. While there are many varied definitions for these two words the fact is that they are loaded with negative connotations. But the thing that is true about them is that they indicate a tendency to do for others at the cost of one's self. If you're a mother, you might be saying, wait isn't that the definition of a mother, or even a spouse, an employee, a child of elderly or sick parents. Well, sometimes it is. I do things for my son when I would rather be reading a book or watching a movie. We all do. Love does involve sacrifice. However, there is fine line between being a giving person and being taken advantage of or quite simply giving too much.

How can you tell the difference and what does this have to do with overeating?

Here are some questions to ask yourself.:

• Does your giving leave you feeling empty?

• Do you feel resentful?

• Do you wish that someone would do for you what you do for people?

• Do you feel unappreciated or sucked dry?

• Do you have little time for joy, play or laughter?

If you found yourself saying "yes" to many of those questions, you might not have the skills to take good care of yourself or to make yourself a priority. You might be surrounded by people that take too much. Or you might not know how to set boundaries. Look, as a single mother, I know this can be hard. I listen to hundreds of your stories everyday and I know that you are taking care of parents with dementia, you are doing your best to help children with disabilities and autism and Down syndrome, you have spouses that are depressed or selfish, you have children who are alcoholics or drug addicts, you are struggling financially, you are out of work, you are lonely, you are abused, your are in chronic physical pain, and the list goes on. There are so many things that have to get taken care of that it can feel overwhelming to even begin to understand what taking care of ourselves would look like. I will tell you a few ways that you can start to do this. But first I want you to understand how deeply linked caretaking is to overeating.

Here are a few critical things to consider:

• When your life is devoid of joy overeating can feel like the only reward you get for putting up with so much pain and disappointment.

• When you don't get enough time to yourself, a late night binge can feel like a decadent time where you are only focused on pleasing yourself.

• When you give so much that it leaves you empty, food can feel like it fills you up.

• When your needs aren't met, food can be one obvious need that you know how to give yourself.

• When you don't know how to consistently make your health and well-being a priority, you might stick to a sensible eating plan or exercise regime for a little while but will abandon it when someone seems to need something or has a crisis.

I wouldn't be surprised if you found yourself nodding to many of the things you're reading. I sometimes get saddened by how much time has passed in my life, my relationships that have suffered and the ways in which I put my own health in jeopardy by "caring" for others. I try my best to forgive myself and accept that I did the best that I could with the information I had at the time. But now, I'm learning new skills. Just like all of you are. My New Year's blog was about how self-love is the way to losing weight. Today someone sent me a quote from Jenny Craig. It said, "Self-love is the only weight loss aid that works in the long run." Gosh, you mean she could've saved us tons of money on pre-packaged food by just telling us that up front. I say that with both sarcasm and love because it seems so obvious and yet it's so hard. So, where do we begin?

Here are some small places to start:

• Find some small act that you can do everyday to take care of yourself (one woman told me that she was going to take three really deep breaths whenever she went to the toilet - Yes, it can be as small as that)

• Ask for what you need in a direct way.

• Practice saying "no." (If this is too hard just practice saying something that buys you a little time to think about it for example, I need to check my calendar or I need to get back to you, etc.)

• Adopt a spiritual practice (meditation, yoga, journaling, gratitude or just being sure to look at the sunset or stars each night).

• Find real sources of love, reward, relaxation and peace that don't have the added backlash that overeating does.

You are worth all of the care, time and attention that you give others. Overeating is not the way that you please yourself, eating well is the way that you love yourself and make your needs a priority.